Why and how I hope to help men better understand thier sexaulity
In late 1990’s I started to experience my own sexuality shift, from having always regarded myself as a heterosexual man, by this time married and with 5 children, it was, at the age of 40 that what felt like a proverbial medicine ball with the word “Gay” emblazoned on it, landed in my lap. Following separation then divorce by 2004 I was certain that for the rest of my life I would be living as a gay man. Moving to London in 2006, establishing my career as a sensual masseur I saw no evidence what so ever that I would ever be attracted to a women ever again.
By 2008, having given sensual massage to probably well over 700 men, not only was I becoming increasingly aware that my story was no unique but I was also to my surprise, fining myself wondering what it would be like to give a sensual massage to a woman.
Now in 2014 I live as what most would define as a bisexual man but to me that feels an inaccurate description and i prefer to label myself, if one has to label, as a heterobisensual man. This means that I am comfortable with intimate arousing activities with both men and women but that I feel more comfortable having full sex with and to be in a relationship with a female. So if my sexuality is anything to go by its clear that male sexuality is far more complex than the current popular view.
As a result of my journey and hearing the thousands of similar stories fro my clients I came up with a system to hel these men understand better and thus come to terms with, their sexuality.
Called The Sexonality Test it offers an alternative to the traditional three-box approach to human sexuality. It aims to help people define themselves according to how they feel, not how they think they should feel.
The Sensuality Corridor and Sensuality Spectrum Regions
It should be noted that this system by no means claims to be a definitive assessment of an individual’s sexuality. Rather, it has been devised to provide an alternative approach that attempts to show that human sexuality is far more complex than the commonly applied categories of heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual, presently indicate.
The system achieves insight into this complexity by first rejecting this restrictive three category conception of sexuality, instead considering sexuality as a spectrum on which all individuals are somewhere situated. Dividing this spectrum into five categories, which account for the whole range of scores on a 1 to 100 scale further provides a comprehensive frame of reference within which an individual’s score can then be interpreted.
Crucially, the sensuality corridor also analyses the desire for sensual as opposed to strictly sexual intimacy, something that no other system currently accounts for, but something which we believe is a central factor in shaping attraction and, ultimately human interaction. It does this by presenting intimate scenarios as opposed to necessarily explicitly sexual ones. The individual is asked to imagine a scene in which ‘…..’. This also gives them the power to shape images that are uniquely specific to their tastes, and so, uniquely revealing of their desires, sensual and/or sexual.
The final advantage of the corridor is that it creates a safe space for an individual’s desires to truly express themselves. By asking the individual being assessed to imagine viewing the sensual or sexual activities from the position of the corridor, rather than asking them to imagine actually engaging in the activities in the rooms, they are absolved from the sense of personal responsibility, which may typically lead them to experience such emotions as guilt, shame or fear (for example) and which may stop them considering actually physically engaging in these activities. The corridor enables unrestricted and anonymous freedom for expression of desire removed from the pressures often presented by a real life situation.
How to walk the corridor?
1. Imagine you are alone and walking down a corridor which has 7 rooms, 3 on the right, 3 on the left and 1 at the end.
2. Imagine that in each door there is a one way window looking in to each room. You can see in bot no one can see out.
3. Imagine that inside are men and women some are single some are in groups ( indicated by the male and female biological symbols).
4. Imagine that they are all naked and in some form of sexual activity (of your choice).
5. Imagine that you are now asked to watch the people in any of the rooms.
6. Select, in order of preference, the rooms that you feel would enjoy to WATCH ( NOT to actually take part in) you can omit rooms that do not interest you but select at least 4.
1st room to watch is = E, 2nd = D, 3rd = F, 4th = C, 5th = G, 6th = B, 7th = A.
Since this system is designed to be run on an Application the scoring is calculated by quite complicated algorithm but for the sake of simplicity on this occasion use the following formula to find out where you lie on the Sensuality Spectrum
Calculating Your Score
Starting at 50 score as follows
For every M symbol = a + ( plus )
For every F symbol = a – (minus)
- 1st position either +15 or -15
- 2nd position either +12 or -12
- 3rd position either + 8 or -8
- 4th position either +6 or -6
- 5th position either +4 or -4
- 6th position either + 2 or -2
- 7th position either + 1 or -1
So the sequence E, D, F, C, G, B, A would score
E (MFM) +15 -15 +15 = +15
D (MF) + 12 – 12 = 0
F (MM) + 8 +8 = +16
C (FMF) -6 +6 -6 = -6
G (M) +4 = +4
B (FF) -2 -2 = -4
A (F) -1
Total of the above = +24
Add (or subtract) this score to (or fro) 50 take the total of this selection to 74 and puts this person midway in the Homobisensual region of the Sensuality Spectrum.
Explanation of The Sensuality Spectrum Regions
If your score is between 0 and 9 this puts you in the HETEROSENSUAL region of the sensuality spectrum and you fall in to the group of men and women who generally regard themselves as totally or mostly sensually or sexually attracted to the opposite sex. You probably have none or very little interest in having any form of sexual or sensual intimacy with the same sex. However if you scored nearer 10 on the spectrum then you might be comfortable being sensually or sexually intimate with members of the same sex. You may even feel comfortable taking part in some mixed-sex group sensual or sexual activity, but your attention will primarily be on the opposite sex. Publicly, you will self identify as heterosexual (straight) and generally confine sexual encounters as part of a male/female couple or with opposite sex groups only.
13 – 32 HETEROBISENSUAL
If your score is between 10 and 35 this puts you in the HETEROBISENSUAL region of the sensuality spectrum and you fall in to the group of men and women who regard themselves as mostly sensually or sexually attracted to the opposite sex but with a partial sensual or sexual attraction to the same sex. If your score is at the lower end of this region then you will probably limit any sensual or sexual activity with the same sex to receiving intimate touch, rather than giving. If your score is nearer 35 you will be more likely to engage in sexual or sensual activity with someone of the same sex, though you may prefer to limit this to just intimate arousing touch, genital stimulation and possibly masturbation. Publicly, you will probably self-identify as heterosexual (straight) and mostly confine yourself to male/female couple sexual activity. Privately you will probably fantasize and occasionally take part in same-sex sexual intimacy or in mixed-sex groups and think of yourself as bi curious or even bisexual.
33 – 66 BISENSUAL
If your score is between 36 and 65 this puts you in the BISENSUAL region of the sensuality spectrum and you fall into the group of men and women who are comfortable to be sensually or sexually intimate with either sex. If your score is nearer 36 then you will probably reserve the more sexual activities of oral and penetrative sex for encounters with the opposite sex, but you will probably be comfortable with mutually arousing touch and masturbation with the same sex. If yourscore is nearer 65 then you will generally prefer to engage in sexual activity with the same sex but you will be comfortable being sensually and sexually intimate with the opposite sex. Generally, bisensual people are equally comfortable being sensually or sexually intimate with either sex, either as part of a couple or in a group scenario. Consequently you are usually happy to publicly self-identify as bisexual.
67-88 – HOMOBISENSUAL
If your score is between 66 and 90 this put you in to the region of HOMOBISENSUAL on the sensuality spectrum indicating that your sensual attraction is more towards the same sex rather than the opposite sex. If your score is nearer 66 then you will most likely be comfortable experiencing sensual or sexual intimacy with the opposite sex, but this will probably be less frequent and less sexual than with someone of the same sex. You may enjoy occasional mixed sex encounters but on these occasions your attention will probably be more on the same sex person(s) rather than the opposite sex person(s). The nearer your score is to 90, the stronger your preference will be for being sensually or sexually intimate with the same sex. This may include mutual genital-oral intimacy; intimate sexual arousal and masturbation but may or may not include penetrative sex. Generally, homobisensual people self identify as homosexual (gay/ lesbian) and tend to enjoy sexual company of the same sex. Privately this group may fantasize about having, or even taking part in some opposite-sex sexual or sensual activity.
89-100 – HOMOSENSUAL
If your score is between 91 and 100 puts you in the HOMOSENSUAL region of the sensuality spectrum indicating that your sensual and sexual attraction is mostly or totally towards the same sex. If your score is between 95 and 100 you probably have none or very little interest in engaging in any form of sexual or sensual intimacy with the opposite sex. However, if you scored nearer 91 on the spectrum you might be comfortable being naked in the presence of members of the opposite sex who are engaging in sexual activity with people whom are most likely the same sex as you, but your attention will be primarily on the same sex person(s). Publicly, you will self-identify as homosexual (gay/lesbian) and generally reserve sexual intimacy for encounters with members of the same sex.