I often work with clients who come to me with this issue, in most cases by giving a combination treatment of counseling and massage I can get to the bottom of the cause and provide both psychological and practical strategies to help overcome the problem.
I recently received this email from a man with PE (premature ejaculation) here is my advice
I work in a job that is not only high profile but also highly stressed. I am very used to challenging situations and dealing with difficult moments when decisive action needs to be taken. At these times I feel very much in control and confident but when I have sex my ability to control completely goes and I nearly always “cum to soon”. This has been happening all my life, sometimes it is so bad that I cum just moments after I am touched, even before penetration. I realise I must suffer from Premature Ejaculation but I can’t understand why or what to do about it, can you help.
It must seem paradoxical that in one part of your life you appear to be totally in control but that in another and most important part, you feel completely out of control. I imagine you must feel very frustrated and sometimes even embarrassed by this.
It’s almost impossible to get an accurate definition of premature ejaculation as it really is a personal perspective. Some men feel that after penetration they should last more than 2 minutes before ejaculation some believe they have PE even if they “cum” before their partners do. I believe the best definition is that PE is when a man reaches ejaculation before he wants to.
PE is primarily a psychological problem brought on by anxiety that causes the nervous system to switch from its rest and relax to the fight or flight mode. Unconscious thoughts like “am I good enough” “am I doing enough” or “am I liked” or even “do I want to be here” may invade the mind enough to trigger the primal brain to trigger survival strategies that will speed up the process to get the job over with quicker in order to then flee.
Luke, a good way deal with PE is to delve deeper into the cause of the anxiety by seeking some psychosexual counselling but in the short term just start talking about it to your partner.
Explain that you are anxious about making it good for your partner and that this may cause you to “cum” too soon. Suggest extended foreplay but focus on their body and if you feel over aroused explain why you will need to pull back. Become more aware of your own arousal as it takes place, think of it like climbing a ladder step 1 being no arousal and 10 being orgasm, when you feel it getting to step 7, near the point of no return, take action and pull back.
Self awareness and communication are the most important elements of good sex, so tell your partner what you like; find out what she likes and have fun doing it.
I recently had a conversation with Serena, M33`s resident female masseur and asked her to give her opinion on PE.
Serena is a highly experienced sensual masseur who often helps her male clients understand better the female perspective on male sexual performance. Col has invited Serena to give her comments on the various issues that he is presented with.
“When will men realise that to be a good lover does not mean that they must perform like a porn star stud. The “wham bang” sex that we see on the web is mostly unreal. My male porn actor friend admits that before a shoot he has to use de sensitising spray to hold himself back and also says that with clever editing a 10 minute romp can be made to look like a 45 minute marathon. So guys please don’t always believe what you see on your lap tops.
If a man is worried about how long he will last I would much prefer him to tell me before hand. Personally I am far more turned on by men who show consideration, even vulnerability by explaining to me in advance that they may be sensitive and need to “withdraw” in mid flow, than a guy who either blames me for his speed or curls up in a ball on the floor in embarrassment.
If I know his situation I can help him. I can be more careful with my own touch, we could spend more time exploring each other’s bodies, even play a few games before getting down to it. So you fellas who experience this, next time you feel the anxiety growing as well as the hard on just be honest and tell her how much you fancy her, how it makes you feel, and how you want it to be for both of you.