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Couples Intimate Evening

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Couples Intimate Evening

Personally hosted by Sex Mentor & Master Masseur Colin Richards

Saturday March 5th 8.00pm to 1.00am

You are invited to come and enjoy a relaxed adult evening at my fabulous riverside apartment in the company of like-minded couples. Take the opportunity to wear your sexiest outfit and join other couples for interesting conversation, saucy games and sensual scenes with optional personal exploration until the early hours. Limited numbers to only 15 couples.

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A wonderful evening for first time explorers

Drawing on my 20 years experience as a hotel proprietor I have created this couples evening as an alternative to the mechanical adult events that are more commonly available. I believe that a well run evening should be personally hosted, welcoming, unpressurized and intimate. An occasion where guests can socialise and get to know one another gradually with conversation and fun flirty games so that any intimate interaction develops naturally.

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Be a voyeur or participant 

Many couples are seeking to expand their sexual horizons but also are reticent about leaping into the swingers or adult fetish scene. This couple’s intimate evening is specifically designed for those who like intimacy and who like giving and receiving sensual intimacy. Comfy places to lay and massage beds available.

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Limited numbers to 15 couples. No age or sexuality segregation my party is open to all ages but the usual attendance age is between 30 – 55 and attendees must be of healthy and fit or have “good for my age” physiques.

Tickets £175 per couple – including bubbles and canapes all evening & sensual entertainment

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE OR BOOK YOUR PLACE

 

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A young woman with her head in her hands

Overcoming fear of intimacy – a woman’s journey

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My name is Charlotte and I am British and born in the Home Counties. I first went to see Colin after picking up the Cosmopolitan magazine and reading his article. Although in my thirties, I have never given myself a chance to have a relationship. This is because of an intense fear of intimacy and fear of sexuality which is best known as the condition called Vaginismus*, an abject fear of vaginal penetration that causes the vagina to muscularly seize up. Originating in my early teenage years when a medical condition caused me to feel “left behind” in my physical development.

As I got into my late teens this feeling grew and intensified causing me to become separated and disconnected from the usual romantic and sexual exploration that girls of my age were experiencing. By my twenties, although I had caught up with my peers physiologically, in my head I was still desperately insecure and still felt like an immature inexperienced child. This didn’t change in fact the feeling deepened so that on reaching my early thirties I started to believe that I just wasn’t normal, that something was wrong with me and that pleasable sex with another person would be something I would never experience. Even masturbation had its challenges, vibrators and dildos were out of the question (I even avoided tampons or medical examinations) and clitoral stimulation just felt self-indulgent and dirty. Even though I am slim and fit and told by others I am attractive I was totally inexperienced in any understanding of what sex or even sensual intimacy felt like and I think somewhere along the line it felt easier if my libido simply closed down. But this was not just sex that I was missing but also a social life. With no interest, in fact now a fear in getting a guy, I avoided any situation where men might be. Close friends were always women and my work in child care ensured that I only mixed with children and mothers. Motherhood seemed only a dream.

But deep down I knew that this was not right and somewhere inside me, my body was speaking and so in a brave moment, I decided to take the plunge and seek help. But where from? It was not something I could take to my GP as there was nothing medically wrong with me. I considered Psychotherapy but again I did not feel that just talking about sex would help me in fact, I considered that it might make my feelings of separation even worse and anyway I found it difficult to find a therapist who appeared open to talking about sex. Then on finding Colins article in November 2015 issue of Cosmopolitan, I realised there was a way I could find a sympathetic professional ear and he was a man who seemed genuine and experienced who would not judge me. Better still he also incorporated sensual massage into his counselling. It was a godsend and writing that email to Colin was the best thing I have done in a long time.

I have now had 4 psycho-sensual treatments with Colin in the last 3 months and I find myself on a journey of exploration, discovery and learning. Colin has helped experience intimate touch for the first time, he has helped me to no longer feel ashamed of my body, not to be embarrassed to express myself and to see sexual arousal as something quite natural and healthy. I am not sure how my story will end but am hoping that in the not to distant future I will have found the self-confidence to date for the first time and that hopefully the date will develop into a sexual and emotional relationship. But I still have some ways to go, since although the treatments are increasingly more pleasurable and beneficial I still have to overcome my fear of penetration.

Below is a brief diary of my appointments to date and a table with grades from 0 to 10 indicating how my anxiety and confidence had changed at each appointment.

0 = very anxious

3= quite anxious

5 = feeling ok

7 = relaxed and comfortable

9 = very relaxed and comfortable

10 = fulfilled and a sense of well-being

 

Appointment  1

Taking the appointment was the easy bit . When I was going up the stairs to Colin’s treatment rooms in Pimlico, Central London, I felt the nerves starting to kick and thought: I can’t do this, it’s wrong, what am I doing?  Colin and I sat down and chatted for an hour and he made sure I was relaxed before we started the massage. I was so self-conscious of my body but remembered why I was there and why I took the appointment so went ahead and am I so glad I did. The massage was the beginning of a journey of exploration and pleasure. All parts of my body were woken up, all in a safe environment with caring hands. I felt arousal for the first time and was introduced to a part of me that i did not know existed, my inner woman. After the appointment, I was on a different planet, to the point I got on the wrong tube and that afternoon I was in my own little world.

Feelings before appointment – 0

Feelings during appointment – 5

Feelings after appointment -7

 

Appointment 2

I decided to return to see Colin because I felt I wanted to explore more and to be more comfortable with my body and to continue to wake up other parts of me that had been hiding for over 15years. I felt more relaxed and during the massage I was able to let go to the point of having an orgasm, in fact several. I was reconnecting with the women in me who had been very scared of letting go.

Feelings before appointment – 5

Feelings during appointment – 7

Feelings after appointment -10

 

Appointment 3

In the 3rd treatment, I wanted to try and understand my fear of sexuality and intimacy. Colin continued to help me understand that my fears were simply childhood defence mechanisms that my subconscious brain was still reverting to all be it out of context to any actual threat. Colin linked my past experiences of rejection and feelings of marginalisation and how those fears were still kicking in inappropriately.  I now understand that my fear is connected to my childhood where I felt I wasn’t good enough or the fear of beeing vulnerable. I still have moments where I am scared to let go but this is a journey and every massage is a step forward . I was starting to realise that my women’s instinct was saying yes but my head was still saying no.

Feelings during appointment – 7

Feelings after appointment -10

 

Appointment 4

Starting to understand the importance of intimacy, Starting to feel comfortable and understand that the fear of sexuality and intimacy is to do with fear of not been in control.

I am now feeling more at ease with trying to overcome the vaginismus itself and although part of me, the adult part, wants to feel the pleasure of penetration (Colin uses his fingers) I am amazed at how unconsciously my body reacts so negatively to touch in that area. Colin is taking it very gently and slowly and so far external touch of the vaginal area is good but the moment I sense any movement inwards my body convulses. I am impatient for this to stop but as Colin explains there is a lifetime of psychological programming that has to re wire so my journey will continue until I become the woman I want to be.

Working on letting that unconscious NO at appointment 3 become a YES gradually.

Feelings before appointment – 9

Feelings during appointment – 9

Feelings after appointment -10

To any women out there who is also experiencing issues around sex or sexual intimacy, I have had 4 treatments and many conversations with Colin. Taking that first appointment was one of the best things I had done in a long time so for anyone who feels a little nervous, don’t be as you will be on a journey you are unlikely going to forget or regret.

Charlotte

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Vaginismus, sometimes called vaginism, is the physical or psychological condition that affects a woman’s ability to engage in any form of vaginal penetration, including sexual intercourse, manual penetration, insertion of tampons or menstrual cups, and the penetration involved in gynecological examinations (pap tests). This is presumed to be the result of an involuntary vaginal muscle spasm, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration painful or impossible. While there is a lack of evidence to definitively identify which muscle is responsible for the spasm, the pubococcygeus muscle, sometimes referred to as the “PC muscle”, is most often suggested. Other muscles such as the levator ani, bulbocavernosus, circumvaginal, and perivaginal muscles have also been suggested.[1]

A woman with vaginismus does not consciously control the spasm. The vaginismic reflex can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it. The severity of vaginismus, as well as the pain during penetration (including sexual penetration), varies from woman to woman.[2]

 

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Intimacy Matters Presents…

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Intimacy Matters Presents is a bi-monthly event that I host at Home House, London’s premier private members club in Portman Square, Marylebone. The evenings are relaxed, informative and entertaining where those who take part enjoy wine, canapés and plenty of no-holds-barred conversation about sex and sensuality. Each evening has a topic as the focus but in the open forum guests are invited to discuss their own subjects or issues and share thoughts and ideas even their fantasies about sex. Although held as a members’ event, I am happy to invite non-members, so just drop me an email if you’d like to be put on the guest list.

Next Event

INTIMACY MATTERS PRESENTS – THE QUINTESSENTIAL ART OF SHIBARI, JAPANESE ROPE BONDAGE

Valentine_smallGuest Speaker – Anna Allesandro of Close Ties

Date: February 23, 2016

Time: 7:00 pm

Ticket types available to book:

Member Ticket: £5.00 Guest Ticket: £10.00

Non-Home House Members welcome, contact colin@intimacymatters.co.uk

With an ever-growing range of practitioners, sex and relationship experts, adult eventers, sex educators and researchers in the UK,  Home House’s very own sex and relationship therapist Colin Richards will continue to bring the most interesting, stimulating and enlightening speakers on all things intimate, for you – to be entertained and enjoy.

Colin’s first guest of the year is Anna Allesandro. Anna is a London-based jewellery designer but with a difference. For her latest collection “Close Ties” Anna took inspiration from Shibari, the Japanese art of rope bondage that has its roots in the Edo period when rope was used to immobilise prisoners. Over time Shibarievolved into a rich and versatile art form, ranging from dynamic living sculptures to intimate erotic restraint.

For the first part of the evening Anna will tell us about her desire to create a talismanic and precious expression of what is dear to her heart, “Close Ties” weaves together jewellery and shibari, creating feminine jewellery with a dark romantic twist.” For the latter part of the evening and with the help of her “Rigger” Anna will give live demonstration the physical art of Japanese rope bondage.

Cost: £5 members, £10 guests.  (Monies to support the Children’s Intensive Care Appeal at St Mary’s Hospital, Paddington).

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Unlimited Club Launches

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Massage33 “Unlimited ” Membership

Join for FREE and choose from one of three loyalty payment options and also get to meet like-minded lovers of sensual massage at exclusive “Unlimited” members social and sensual massage events.

If you register as a Massage33 “Unlimited” Member you can

  • Select from one of the following payment schemes and get substantially reduced rates.
  • Come along for FREE quarterly held and personally hosted sensual massage evening events where you can meet mix and massage other like-minded “Unlimited” members. Drinks and nibbles provided.
  • Receive advance notice of all workshops and events that I hold and get an automatic 20% discount
  • Qualify for exclusive discounts from recommended providers of adult events and activities.
  • Gift your friend or partner a gift of an introductory sensual massage at no cost to yourself. (see info at bottom of this page)

APPLY HERE


The Unlimited Options

12 Months Unlimited

£1750

 This scheme for the genuine sensual massage lover. It offers you an UNLIMITED number of 60, 75 or 90-minute appointments in any 12 month period. The first 12 appointments can be taken at any time of day between 9.00am and 8.00pm with any further appointments to be taken between 9am and 2pm Monday to Saturday.

For example, if you take 12 x 90-minute appointments in 12 months this reduces the list price for each appointment from £175 to only £145. If you take more than 12 then the price per massage reduces even lower.

APPLY HERE


6 Months Unlimited

£900

This offers you an UNLIMITED number of 60, 75 or 90-minute appointments in any 6 month period. The first 6 appointments can be taken at any time of day between 9.00am and 8.00pm with any further appointments to be taken between 9am and 2pm Monday to Saturday.

For example, if you take 6 x 90-minute appointments in 6 months this reduces the list price for each appointment from £175 to £150. If you take more than 6 then the price per massage reduces even lower.

APPLY HERE


3 Months Unlimited

£465

This offers you an UNLIMITED number of 60, 75 or 90-minute appointments in any 3 month period. The first 3 appointments can be taken at any time of day between 9.00am and 8.00pm with any further appointments to be taken between 9am and 2pm Monday to Saturday.

For example, if you take 3 x 90-minute appointments in 6 months this reduces the list price for each appointment from £175 to £155. If you take more than 3 then the price per massage reduces even lower.

APPLY HERE


 

Terms

Registration is Free

Full payment must be made in advance and can be made by cash, credit card or bank transfer

Cards accepted are

Worldpay Payments Processing

Visa Credit and Debit payments supported by WorldpayVisa Electron payments supported by WorldpayMastercard payments supported by WorldpayMaestro payments supported by WorldpayDiners payments supported by WorldpayJCB payments supported by Worldpay

Appointments can be booked in the usual manner by appointment from phone, email or text, quoting your Unlimited membership Number and are subject to my usual availability.

Note* There are no refunds for appointments not taken and a 50% charge will be made if appointments are booked and then cancelled less than 24 hours in advance. ie only book if you can make the appointment otherwise I loose the possibility of re-booking the time.

Hurry as this unique offer is only open for registration between January 10th 2016 to February 10th 2016 – So hurry.

 

You can gift appointments to friends as follows

12 months unlimited – 6 vouchers

6 months unlimited – 4 vouchers

3 months unlimited – 2 vouchers

CLICK HERE TO APPLY NOW 

2015-2016 change represents the new year 2016, three-dimensional rendering

Happy New Year

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To all my clients and friends I want to say to you a very heartfelt thank you for your support and custom not only over the past year but for the past decade. 2015 was a great year for me. I saw with increasing success in my workshops and an ever growing client list of single men and women and now also couples. In November, I also was pleased to get national exposure with a six-page article in Cosmopolitan Magazine UK & Australia who wrote about my work with women and helping women deal with sexual performance challenges.

 

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As a result, in February 2016, a leading men’s magazine will be featuring my License to Thrill workshops created specifically for men who want to improve their foreplay skills and understanding of female sexuality.

2015 also saw the 10th anniversary of Massage33. When, back in June 2005 I decided to become a professional sensual masseur and sex mentor, sensual massage was almost unheard of and sexual mentoring not even on the page. As we now move into the second half of this decade it is clear that sensual massage and the various interpretations of it, tantra, somatic bodywork etc are fast becoming mainstream and much in demand.

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In 2015, my practice saw exponential growth as its seems that no longer do people feel embarrassed or awkward about exploring their sexual and intimate sensual desires or sexual insecurities. Contrary there is an eagerness by many people to become more attuned and content sexually. Couples frequently come to me seeking guidance on how to re-strengthen their sexual relationship. Many heterosexual and bisexual men want to explore their same-sex attraction without the need to change their sexual identity. Divorced or separated women and men who have come out of a long-term relationship (who often say that they feel naive and self-conscious about their lack of experience) come to learn about both their own sexuality and also how to give better pleasure to others. My Carnal Conversations events at Home House Private members club in Mayfair have featured many interesting guests and at next month’s revamped version “Intimacy Matters Presents…. I will be introducing Anna Alessandro who will be talking on the subject of Shibari the art of Japanese rope bondage and Great British Sexpert Rebecca Dakin will be talking on her new TV project.

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My  sensual massage workshops and events for gay men have also been popular and for those that have attended many say that they have found the evenings not only informative and confidence building but also fun.  I believe that over the next 4 years supporting people in the intimate aspects of their lives will become commonplace and be seen not as merely a self-indulgent pleasure but increasingly as an essential, beneficial and dare I say normal treatment.

Therefore, with this more enlightened attitude emerging, I believe that over the next 4 years supporting people seeking education and new experiences in the aspects of their intimate lives will become commonplace and be regarded not as merely a self-indulgent pleasure but increasingly as an essential, beneficial and dare I say normal treatment.With this very busy year behind I ended the year by taking a  weeks holiday in St Lucia in the Carribean. A whole week in Rodney Bay with glorious hot sun and warm seas has

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With this very busy year behind I ended 2015 by taking a  weeks holiday in St Lucia in the Carribean. A whole week in Rodney Bay with glorious hot sun and warm seas has revitalised the spirit ready for an exciting 2016. As an aside if anyone is visiting St Lucia and Rodney Bay take the opportunity of having a massage on the beach with Spencer. Probably the best full body massage I had. Actually, I had two!

 

I hope to see you soon for an appointment.

Best regards

Colin

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Licence To Thrill

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A series of exclusive group training for men, teaching them to manifest their inner male and to master the mysteries of female arousal.

Your Trainer – Sex Mentor & Master Sensual Masseur – Colin Richards

This unique training will:

  • teach a man to become an excellent lover
  • increase male sexual confidence
  • tap into and release masculine primal energy
  • empower with specialist knowledge

There are three levels of training:-

  • Basic: – Foundation in Sensual Massage
  • Intermediate: – Personal Sensual Development
  • Advanced: – Professional Sensual Therapy Training

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Why invest in this training?

Nature has embodied man and woman with basic, primal sexual identities. In this dynamic women want to be desired and men want approval. A man longs to hear: ‘you’re the best’ from his satisfied lover. These words make him feel wonderful. Take the training which will lead your significant other to say this to you.

Research shows that for many women the most common reason relationships fail is that sex is either painful, boring or non-existent. Why? Because their male partners have not taken the time to learn the geography of the female sensual landscape and what really makes women satisfied. By learning the art of sensual massage and including it within his sexual repertoire a man can raise his female partner’s sexual experience from average and predictable to imaginate creative and exciting.

You’ll receive immediate and significant benefits from attending this workshop. Not only will you develop your knowledge of female sexuality, you’ll also improve and enhance your lovemaking skills. It’s suitable for you whether you’re a husband, boyfriend, fiancé, an adventurous single man or someone interested in providing professional massage services to women.

Sign up, this workshop’s for you. The investment will be worth it.

I’m confident that the knowledge and skills you’ll gain from attending these workshop will turn you into a confident and more proficient lover.

Three levels of training are available. The foundation training  must be taken to qualify for either the Intermediate or Advanced training. Your choice is dependent on your aims and intentions. Is the training for personal or professional use? Your answer determines which route to take.

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Licenced to Thrill Training Levels

Foundation Training

5 hours providing basic training in giving sensual massage to a female and enhancing your foreplay skills

Workshop date – Saturday 5th December 1pm to 6pm

Cost £195

Location of training – The Albany Health & Fitness Club, Saint Bedes Hall, Little Albany Street , London NW1 4DY

This workshop is level one of the training to go on and take further training in either the Intermediate or Advanced training

The training includes:

  • An introduction to female arousal
  • A live sensual massage demonstration explaining the female arousal cycle and exploring the erogenous areas
  • A trainee practice session with female volunteers to practice giving a full body sensual massage
  • Learning to give specific erotic arousal to female volunteers ( 2 participants to 1 volunteer )

This unique workshop is perfect for the straight or bisexual man who wants to learn how to give a great sensual massage to a woman. As well as learning how to slowly arouse the female body you will also be taught some subtle psychological and emotional techniques that make your sensual massage one of the best she will have ever received. During this workshop you will:-

  • Learn to extend the length your lovemaking by learning the art of giving a woman a superb sensual massage.
  • Become skilled in giving focused erotic foreplay.
  • Understand better how the psychology of the female mind influences the arousal of the female body.
  • Incorporate into your love making new arousal techniques.

Once completed you can enrol on either the Intermediate or Advanced training.

Click Here to apply for a place on this or future Foundation Trainings

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The Albany Private Gym St Bedes Hall

Map Location

 

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Intermediate Training – 20 hours

Personal sensual development to become the best lover you can be

The Intermediate training is designed for the man who aims to become an ultimate lover to women. It is for the man who wants to expand his knowledge and expertise in sensual foreplay and sexual performance, who wants to extend his lovemaking so that his female partner can enjoy hours of pleasure and expect athe unexpected knowing that he is a master in his skilll.

  • A 2 hour open no holds barred discussion with a panel of 6+ women to discover what women really enjoy sexually and sensually.
  • Discover the cutting edge research that shows us exactly how women get aroused and what happens in her brain & body during orgasm.
  • Debunk the myths about female ejaculation and find out how all women are cleverly crafted to become a gushing goddess.
  • Understand the secrets of a woman’s orgasmic, multi-orgasmic and multi-multi orgasmic potential.
  • Four practical massage training session sessions teaching my own kama sutra sensual massage routine when you will be working in pairs giving to a variety female volunteer receivers. These practical sessions will include:-
  • Specific teaching on sensual and erotic arousal techniques, prolonging/maximising her orgasm, heightening intimacy by using a body to body techniques and creating confident sensual touch.
  • Developing a caring and assertive approach and accessing and expressing your primal masculine energies.
  • Greater awareness of erotic zones of the female body.
  • Practical teaching in giving external clitoral & vaginal massage, G-Spot massage, edging orgasm, external anal stimulation, oral technique, breast and nipple massage.

Cost £995

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Advanced  Training – 30 hours

Professional training for men who want to become professional sensual massage therepists for women

Completing the Advanced training takes you to a level to confidently go professional either on a part time or full-time basis and run your own sensual massage treatment practice. Once qualified you become with accredited to Colin Richards at Intimacy Matters.

  • A 2 hour open no holds barred discussion with a panel of 6+ women to discover what women really enjoy sexually and sensually.
  • Discover the cutting edge research that shows us exactly how women get aroused and what happens in her brain & body during orgasm.
  • Debunk the myths about female ejaculation and find out how all women are cleverly crafted to become a gushing goddess.
  • Understand the secrets of a woman’s orgasmic, multi-orgasmic and multi-multi orgasmic potential.
  • Four practical massage training session sessions teaching my own kama sutra sensual massage routine when you will be working in pairs giving to a variety female volunteer receivers. These practical sessions will include:-
  • Specific teaching on sensual and erotic arousal techniques, prolonging/maximising her orgasm, heightening intimacy by using a body to body techniques and creating confident sensual touch.
  • Developing a caring and assertive approach and accessing and expressing your primal masculine energies.
  • Learning to give a 4 hands massage on a female.
  • Greater awareness of erotic zones of the female body.
  • Practical teaching in giving external clitoral & vaginal massage, G-Spot massage, edging orgasm, external anal stimulation, oral technique, breast and nipple massage.
  • Plus the following additional professional training

Additional training to become professional status

  • 3 hours of theory on the psychological and emotional aspects of giving a sensual massage
  • 3 hours on researching target markets, client management, business set up, branding and marketing.
  • 6 months telephone support following your workshop providing further advice and guidance
  • A year of free access to 10 hours of sensual massage video tutorials.
  • Registration and promotion as a License to Thrill Sensual Agent
  • Membership of the Exclusive Sensual Agent Network

Cost £1495

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Further Information

Training Venues

Foundation Training – The Albany Health Club,The Albany Health & Fitness Club, Saint Bedes Hall, Little Albany Street , London NW1 4DY

Intermediate and Advanced Training – To be confirmed

Application Booking & Payment

To book a place on any of the training, you must have completed an application form and been accepted for suitability. You can only request to enrol on either the Intermediate or Advanced training if you have completed the Foundation Training. Qualification will be dependent on proficiency attained at the foundation training.

Application – To apply for a place of a future training please complete this APPLICATION FORM

Payment

Foundation training – full payment on booking

Intermediate and Professional Training – On booking a deposit of 50% is required. The balance of payment is required on the day of the training. Payment can be made by cash, card or bank transfer.

Eligibility

  • Aged between 18 and 65
  • Previous experience is unnecessary
  • Reasonable health and fitness

Cancellation

Your deposit will be refunded in full if you cancel your booking in writing at least 14 days before the training/workshop. After this time you can transfer the deposit to a future training date.

All cancellations and amendments must be confirmed in writing; you will receive an email in return confirming cancellation terms

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How to find a good masseur

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The Long and often slippery road to finding a good Sensual Massage

It should come as no surprise that according to the International Spa Association, the number of men and women who have visited Spas in the last five years has grown by 900%. Spas are now socially accepted and of course are extremely enjoyable and Londoners recently admitted that a Spa treatment helped them relax better than a Friday night at the pub and it is massage that is at the top of the list for chosen treatments for men.

The challenges for men and women having a massage.

As every man who has experienced massage knows it can be an encounter of mixed feelings. On the one hand to have your body and muscles worked deep and to feel the intimate touch of another’s hands, male or female, is a wonderfully relaxing therapeutic sensation. On the other hand it can also be an experience fraught with anxiety and tension since with even the most expert hands at work many men become acutely aware of the rumbling sensations of arousal as the body responds and with it the fear of obvious visual detection and subsequent embarrassment.

For women although the signals of arousal are not as obvious this does not mean that as the masseur’s fingers work their magic she does not feel the warm sensation of arousal creeping into her loins. The frustration of not having it dealt with is equelly as frustrating for a woman as it is a man and i am sure many a lady client has found herself spending a few minutes longer in the shower after, tending to her needs.

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Sensual Massage – more than just a “rub & tug”

Getting a turned on during a regular massage is probably every person’s fear, particularly if the treatment is clearly designed only to be therapeutic. The embarrassment is compounded more so if the masseur has not brought up the subject of potential arousal and through their own awkwardness to the subject, leaves it as an unspoken “demon” that hangs in the air throughout the whole proceedings! It is because of this that many men and some women will avoid having massage at all, but increasingly more and more are discovering the availability, pleasure and safety of receiving a Sensual Massage that is designed to include both proper muscle work but allows allows, sometimes even encourages, full arousal often to orgasm. The internet now gives plenty of opportunity to find a sensual massage, there are loads of directories and advertising web sites promoting both male and female masseurs (mostly for male clients)   but how do you find a masseur who is both trained in massage and comfortable to include intimate erotic touch as part of the treatment and treats you in a professional manner is comfortable premises.

How to spot the “Givers” from the “Takers”

With none of the official massage schools broad minded enough to train practitioners how to give sensual massage, clients are generally reliant on their own initiative when searching the pages and pages of adverts. Often sensual massage will be couched in “Tantric” language which, much to the dismay of true Tantra teachers, has become a byword for erotic massage. Just because it talks of “Lingums” and Yonis  “Wands of Light” and “Erotic Flowers” it does not necessarily mean you will receive a professional massage. So for those men and women who do want to enjoy a sensual massage given by a professional here are a few tips on how to sort the genuine “givers” from the “takers”

12 Tips on how to find a good sensual masseur

1. Has the masseur got their own web site – generally if they have invested effort and money in a web site then they will be more serious about their work. The better the web site the more professional the masseur
2. Ask if the masseur has been trained by a legitimate massage school in either Therapeutic, Swedish or Sports Massage – a tip is to ask if they include Effleurage or Petrissage strokes in the massage, any properly trained masseur will know these correct terms for long flowing strokes and kneading movements.
3. Ask for a full description of what the massage will or won’t include, if they indicate that they do not offer sexual services then they will more than likely be more genuine in their approach.
4. Do they display client testimonials on the web site – Of course it’s easy to make these up but usually the genuine testimonials can be spotted rather than those self written.
5. Beware of discounts – a good sensual masseur does not usually need to give discounts.
6. Don’t go for anything less than 60 min – 75 min or 90 is the usual length of a full body sensual massage. Offering 30 minutes generally means only one thing!
7. Do they have their own massage studio or do they just offer “out calls” – a proper massage can really only be given on a massage bed or possibly a yoga mat, beds are not suitable whether hotel or home and generally implies that the massage will slip quite quickly into something more sexual and then finish as soon as the client reaches orgasm with no discount for reduced time.
8. Look for “talent” not “tit” “creativity not cock”. Don’t get swayed by erotic suggestive pictures of the masseurs, take notice of the more professionally presented masseurs.
9. Look at their operating times – if it’s predominantly a late night service then it will be more “tug” than “rub”
10. If you can when making the enquiry speak to the masseur themselves, a lot can be understood from their level of spoken English and knowledge of their service
11. Go with your “gut” if you don’t feel right don’t book, if you feel iffy on the phone imagine what you will feel like when they have their hands on you.
12. And finally NEVER be afraid to walk away before the massage begins. If the venue, cleanliness and atmosphere make you uncomfortable, even if you have to pay a cancellation fee it’s better to be out of pocket than out of your depth!

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Secrets of an unpredictable penis

 

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Secrets of an unpredictable Penis

How  can Psycho-Sensual Massage help?

She’s cute and sexy, you caught her eye as you entered the room, instant chemistry flows causing a stirring below. Two hours later, hands have brushed thighs, cheeky stories have been shared, bums have been touched but just as the excited anticipation of the next few hours has crossed your mind so has the apprehension that Mr Unpredictable may misbehave yet again and later, true to form, your temperamental friend once more seems to have a mind of his own and lets you down.

Does this sound familiar? If so then you have experienced what most men at sometime in their sensual encounters have also experienced, what is known as Situational Erectile Dysfunction? God forbid that you have a problem, of course not you tell yourself that it was the extra pint you had and yet just when you wanted things to go to plan, they didn’t and frustration and embarrassment ruled the day.

40 % of my clients have SED

Working as a Sexologist & Psycho-Sensual Masseur at least 40% of the clients I see come to me with what is now proving to be is the most common and yet least understood sexual performance problem for men. Properly called Situational Erectile Dysfunction it affects many men over the age of 35 and particularly those in high stress work environments. The myth that SED mainly affects older men is simply not the case as I see guys as young as 20 who also find at times that Mr Temperamental just won’t behave the way they want him to.

What is Situational Erectile Dysfunction?

Not getting or not maintaining an erection can fall in to 5 main categories, some will be driven by physiological causes others by psychological some by a combination of both. They are:-

Primary: when the man has never been able to achieve an erection. This represents approximately 10% of cases of erectile dysfunction.

Secondary: when the man has had erections in the past, but can no longer achieve or maintain an erection. This traditionally has been viewed as the most common type of erectile dysfunction.

Situational: Much more common than research reveals, when the man can only achieve an erection in particular situation or with a particular person. For example, he is able to achieve an erection with an extramarital partner, but not his usual partner, or vice-versa. One of the most common scenarios for situational erectile dysfunction is the first time a man tries to have sexual intercourse with someone new

Total: when the lack of erection is complete.

Partial: when there is a degree of erection, but it insufficient to allow sexual intercourse

For many men, the image of self is inevitably linked to a perception of masculinity which in turn involves functioning and performing well sexually. – A result of either physiological or psychological influences or often both. .

Generally, unless the sufferer is experiencing blood pressure problems or is taking some form of blood pressure medication or has heart problems or has general ill health then the cause of SED will be mostly psychological and not pathological. It will probably be the body’s natural fight or flight mechanism (autonomic nervous system) reacting to a perceived fear signal that is causing the body to alternate from its rest & relax mode (Para Sympathetic) to its fight & flight mode (Sympathetic) when certain blood vessels and muscles and bodily characteristics alter their behaviour making a full erection impossible. Quite simply nature has not designed men to “hunt & fuck” at the same time and things can go wrong at any point of the 3 stages of producing and maintaining an erection.
First Stage: 
Sexual arousal, getting sexually stimulated from our thoughts and senses.

Second Stage: 

The brain communicates the sexual arousal to the body which increases the blood flow to the penis.

Third Stage:

Blood vessels that supply the penis relax allowing an increased blood supply to flow into the shafts that produce the erection.

Psychologial vs Physiological

Physiological causes can be due to a variety of conditions such as: Cardiovascular diseases, Diabetes, Disease of the Nervous System, Aging, Medications, Smoking, Alcoholism, and Hormone Imbalance and can be treated with medical support.

However in most cases the condition can also be influenced by Psychological processes and in many cases be the prime reason for intermittent erectile dysfunction. Generally if involuntary erection occurs during the night or on waking in the morning but does not occur or is lost during conscious sex (with another or even during masturbation) then other emotional based influences will be the source.

These emotional influences generally fall in to the following two areas, performance and acceptance and if there is any worry around either of these two agendas then this will quickly convert in to a feeling of fear around rejection or abandonment which in turn switches on the primal survival mechanisms of the fight or flight reaction causing the autonomic nervous system to move from the para sympathetic mode that is needed to for arousal to take place to the sympathetic mode of fight or flee.

Early Childhood Influences – Upside down triangle

Often the way a man feels he should perform sexually will be connected to his early childhood psychological development. If he grew up in an environment where he was conditioned to be an achiever and to do well then good performance is essential to his sense of self worth on the other hand if he was taught to be a good boy and not disappoint others then his need to please his partner sexually will be paramount to him feeling relaxed.

If one views this like an upside down triangle, sitting on its point, the flat top is the area of his general behavioural platform, sexual performance a major part of this and the point of the triangle, at the bottom represents the primary driver that is influencing this behaviour. Between these points there are often many layers of thought and behaviour that taking place both consciously and unconsciously gradually switching the brain from the rest & relaxed mode (para sympathetic) to fight or flight (sympathetic) and consequent loss of erection.

 

For example

Conscious

Thought 1 – “I really like this person and want to have sex with them”

Thought 2 – “I am worried about losing my erection”

Thought 3 – “If I lose my erection they will think I don’t like them “

Thought 4 – “If they think I don’t like them then they will not like me”

Unconscious Thoughts

Thought 5 – “If they don’t like me then I am not good enough”

Thought 6 – “If I am not good enough then I will be rejected”

Thought 7 – “If I am rejected I will be abandoned and will be vulnerable”

Thought 8 – “I may die”

How can a Sensual Massage Help? 

The private space of a comfortable massage room and the friendly welcoming openness of a trained Psycho-Sensual Masseur can create a supportive caring environment where any focus on performance is removed and where the receiver can concentrate on what he is feeling rather than what he is doing.

As the massage unfolds the body slowly becomes relaxed, with the sensual strokes of the massage encouraging arousal to take place causing the body to respond and moving deeper in to the para sympathetic mode. As anxiety levels fall and the body becomes rested this attention on “self” encourages an erection to occur. As the receiver feels the erection grow, his confidence builds and so the body goes deeper in to the relaxed state and the erection responds by getting even firmer causing a positive spiral rather than the traditional negative spiral of anxiety/erection loss/ further anxiety/complete loss of erection.

Throughout the massage the masseur incorporates certain movements that may intentionally challenge the receivers comfort zones and mildly raise anxiety thus affecting the level of erection. By observing and reading these minute changes of the receivers dynamic, the masseur can begin to understand the possible psychological triggers that may be causing the arousal switch to flick on and off, giving an indication as to the under laying fear that is influencing the arousal process.

Also with the attention on himself the receiver is able to be more self aware of the influences and intensity of the erection. A discussion following the massage often reveals the core fear that is at the root of the anxiety and with further counselling and psycho sensual massage the sufferer can considerably reduce the occurrences of SED that he experiences.

Even if he still does not always “get it up” with this better understanding of how he works he can explain to his partner that it’s because he is so attracted to them that he can’t get a hard on rather than being a signal that he not attracted at all. Changing the thought process and communicating this to the partner will greatly lessen the possibility of SED taking place.

 

For Example

Better Conscious Thoughts & Actions

Thought 1 – “I really like this person and want to have sex with them”

Thought 2 – “But I am worried about losing my erection”

Thought and action 3 – “I will tell them that I like them and that I am worried about losing my erection ”

Thought and action 4 – “I will be honest and tell them that if I lose my erection it is because I am a little nervous and I want them to have a good time”

Better Unconscious Thoughts

Thought 5 – “Now, If I don’t get an erection they will understand that it’s not because that I don’t like them”

Thought 6 – “Now that they understand that I if lose my erection it is not because I don’t like them, they will continue to like me”

Thought 7 – If I am honest about my fears then they will understand my behaviour and not judge me

Thought 7 – “If they don’t judge me I will feel accepted”

Thought 8 – “If I am accepted then I am safe”

Thought 9 – “ If I am safe I will be relaxed and my body will allow me to become aroused

Paradoxically Thought 9 shows that this shared openness and honesty should help him to feel calm and then he will probably get an erection anyway.

Article written by Colin Richards

Psycho-Sensual Masseur & Sex Therapist